proud to be purple & gold

having attended possibly the smallest high school in my large city (in physical size, although we were actually almost 1500 students at one point), i never had the opportunity to be part of the thrill & excitement that is "friday night lights", or simply put - high school football. tonight was only my 3rd football game in the stands, but what a game it was. my kids' high school team made it all the way to their division state finals, and against the other local/rival high school. it was an especially great game for us because my son's good friend is a defensive end on the team.

i am a fan of many sports, but i only watched football occasionally. this game was unbelievable! there were some crazy plays that you would have had to see to believe. our team was the underdog (the other team is 6th in the nation and undefeated this year) and they put up an amazing fight. i would have hated to watch a blowout, and this game was anything but. 20-15 was the final score and at one point we did lead. even more special for this group of kids - the whole lot of them were all part of the same class as freshman. these were friends playing friends. at the end of the game, members of the winning team were consoling our players. where else would you see that?

i'm so proud of our school, of its team, of its students, and of their fans. it's somewhat of a coincidence, but appropriate, that the colors of my blog are purple and gold. but tonight, they're the only colors that count. congratulations to both teams!

gratitude

it finally happened - i made it to 40! confused? i'm not 40 years old yet, but i'm celebrating my hematocrit number....40! (this number represents the volume of blood you have in your system.) it's been 18 long months of trying to improve my blood counts, taking meds, vitamins, visits to countless doctors, surgery, hospitalization. all of this in 18 months in an effort to try to get my blood healthy again. back in may 2007 when my symptoms first presented, my hematocrit number was 27, well below the norm of 36. my red blood cells were tiny (again well below normal) and couldn't bring enough oxygen to my body. now, my hematologist gave me the good news that 1) my hematocrit is 40, 2) the size of my rbc's is normal, 3) no more anemia and 4) no more iron pills! she also said that i don't have to see her anymore, which saddens me because i felt a sense of pride knowing that my doctor was voted one of seattle's best.

i have never been happier to be 40 - i had a smile on my face that you couldn't wipe off. heck, i almost cried! in all those months of being told that one thing after another is happening to me, it's finally nice to see some marked improvement.

thank you to everyone who offered words of support and encouragement this past year and a half. i'm eternally grateful.

happy turkey day!

a dream is a wish your heart makes...or is it?

i'm not someone who has restful sleep and so naturally dreams aren't a regular occurrence for me. i've had two very different dreams in the span of 10 days. the first dream was of my late mother, and involved reliving a painful period in my life. but this time, it was almost as if our positions in life were reversed. and while i can't find any dream interpretations that satisfy me, i'm going to take it for what it is - a dream of my mom.

the second dream was beyond words, one of those things that cause you to wake up, shake your head and say "whoa". i looked up the interpretation and it said "it is symbolic of your creative energy and reaffirms that you are headed in the right direction in life." well good thing for that, because i'm still not sure if i'm willing to take this one for what it is.

i think i just have too much on the brain sometimes that everything gets confused when my lights turn off.

baby steps

it's been a while since i've written, much apologies for that. but the busy time is over and we're slowly prepping for the holiday season. in my last blog entry, i alluded to a big decision that i'd made. it may not seem like much to you (or a surprise, for that matter), but for me, it helps clear out the traffic in my brain and will help give me more focus.

i've had many interests over the course of my life, but photography, web design & graphic design were the three things that always stayed with me. it was only when i reached a major creativity block with my design that i decided that photography really is the one true path for me (again, not a big surprise for those of you who know me). it has been my love since i was a child and i can always count on the fact that when i pick up the camera, i know i can make magic happen. not always true for me when it came to web or graphic design.

so with that being said, i'm going to be taking this challenge head-on and hope to do it in baby steps, with patience guiding my hand and my head. as always, thank you to my little muse, who never fails to provide me with the inspiration i seek.

it's all in your head

they say everybody suffers from stress to a certain degree, which i believe. i know my life is stressful enough without the added little things to worry me like career path or more medical conditions. and all in all, i am thankful for the state of my health, knowing full well that others close to me are not so fortunate.

so lately i've been suffering from frequent headaches - and i rarely get them to begin with. in fact the one i'm experiencing right now is the 4th one today. i can't say it's a migraine because i don't think i've ever had one, but i'm pretty sure it's not given that it's not as severe as i've heard they can be. and i can bet those of you who know me have already uttered the words, "have you seen a doctor?" and i'm already scheduled for an appointment on thursday. but that's a pretty long wait considering i experience 3-4 headaches a day.

man, getting healthy sure takes a lot of work. after my health issues in 2007, i've also been tested for breast cancer (again), multiple sclerosis, thalassemia, & brain tumors (did you know i have freckles on my brain as well as my face?) all in these past 6 months. hmm, i sure don't do things the easy way, huh?

b u t - on the plus side, i did have enough clarity to reach a decision about something major. stay tuned.

pulling it off

this post is WAY overdue, but i've been swamped since my "blink and you missed it" trip back home to toronto. my dad, stepmom and cousin were sworn to secrecy about my trip. i returned home to participate in the "light the night walk" to benefit the leukemia & lymphoma society of canada. my family decided to do the walk in memory of mom, and do it altogether, even though the assumption was that my own family wouldn't be there to participate. nevertheless, i listed my name as a participant for our team, collected donations (thank you everyone!) and even made plans to speak to the team before the walk began.

i slipped across the border under the cover of night last thursday (it's almost therapeutic to be driving on a barely occupied road at that time), stayed at dad's and then the next morning, started phase 2 of my trip - pray that nobody sees me before it's time. after work, i met up with my cousin and we drove around for a while to kill time. just before the walk started, she took my camera and set it to the video function to take a "picture" of the team. what they didn't know was that i was standing about 50 feet away and was going to reveal myself as the "picture" was being taken. here's the outcome of that moment (watch it high quality, it's much better). and i have to say, i handled it much better than i thought i would. for weeks, while keeping this secret from them, i have been a blubbering mess, crying at the most random times, thinking of how sweet the moment would be when i could finally be with them during the fundraiser. and it was.

i felt so proud of our team that night. our goal was to raise $1000 and we ended up raising almost double that - $1900+! our most heartfelt thanks to all of our sponsors who supported us in this campaign. we couldn't have done it without you!

the beautiful song of this treeh's leaves

tomorrow my littlest sister is running her first marathon for the leukemia & lymphoma society of canada. this one is for many people, but especially honours our mother who died from leukemia 20 years ago (back when the little one was just 5). i am so proud of her, you have no idea. this tiny creature - all 4 feet 8.5 inches of her - is my hero.

this is not her first charity event. in recent years, she has donated her hair, she has shaven her head, baked cookies, walked & ran other charity walks - all in an effort to raise money for various diseases. when i think of all she has accomplished and all she is setting out to do in the name of others, i am left speechless and filled with tears. she won't be able to hear me cheering loudly on the streets she's running down, but she knows i will be there in spirit.

please check out her blog at the link to the right titled "tracking treeh"

mental conditioning

the title's actually a bit confusing, but let me explain and then you'll get it.

so i was at the gas station yesterday, filling up my tank. now, i don't drive some big gas guzzler - it's a 16 gallon, 4 cylinder sedan that gets me 22 mpg city/30 mpg highway. and now that gas prices have dropped to about $3.85/gallon locally, i still thought it was "great" that it only cost me $50 to fill my tank instead of the $60 it cost me about a month ago.

what the heck planet am i living on that THAT was okay?! when i first bought my car 3 years ago, i think it cost me $40 to fill that same tank!

see how the government screws you over by conditioning you into thinking that, "well it wasn't as bad as before, so it must be okay now."

i am so not signing up for that. gimme back my $3.25/gallon and i'll shut up.

i started when i was five

i just came back from my son's high school after attending a session on starting your child's college application process. i was coming straight from work so i didn't have time to change out of my work attire. but i suppose it didn't matter anyway given the exchange that went on with two volunteer moms there who were directing the flow of parents.

lady #1 - "are you the parent of a senior?"

me - "yes"

lady #2 - "WOW"


- thanks mom & dad!

fun with 17 year olds

so many times when my son was a tot, i remember thinking how quickly he would grow up and one day, he wouldn't want to hang out with me anymore. and in recent years, we kinda do our own thing, but together. i've always been a realist about his growing up, so i can't say seeing him getting ready for his own life upsets me. he's got a wonderful group of friends - they're more like the brothers he'll never have, i guess. and i was so happy to spend an afternoon with them, taking their senior photos. i can imagine how awkward it may be, having your mom photograph you and your friends, but all the boys took it in stride, even having fun with "the parentals". it was the highlight of my afternoon.

in search of change

i had an epiphany earlier this week - i need a change in my life. i need to simplify things, or at least properly juggle all the things on my plate. the last year has been a struggle, what with past health issues running the show. but it's time for me to lay down the tracks of my life with me steering my own course.

i laid out a plan for myself last february, but told only a few people, so there was little accountability on my part and of course, resulted in little action. perhaps now, with a clear vision and having put it out in the universe (or at least the web), i'm more likely to stay on track.

so, i'm actively looking for a job change and going back to school. i know it sounds like it's not simplifying, but really it is...

...you'll just have to trust me on this one.