homebody - week 1

well, it's been a week since i got laid off from my job. no tears here, but i am still trying to get things sorted out at home, trying to find a schedule for myself and making the most of the extra time i've been given.

i'm not one of those born-to-be-a-stay-at-home-mom moms. in a way i wish i was because then all of this would come relatively easy to me. i've been working in the office environment since i was 19 years old and that's what i'm used to. i've gotten really used to the structure of office living that i think the only way for me to survive is to duplicate that structure here at home.

i've been very careful to not sit in front of the tv or the computer for all hours of the day, unless there's a definite reason for me to be on there. i'm trying to get my business started, and a great deal of it requires the computer, so that explains my presence online the last few days. i think the biggest thing that distracts me is that i keep thinking about taking a quick vacation. fares are so cheap and i've got nothing but time on my hands.

maybe it's time for me to update some programs on my computer and get the schedule laid out. i'll let you know how it goes.

lenamade

so yesterday was my d-day. seems kinda harsh-sounding even though it really wasn't. i got laid off yesterday, from a big software company. i was one of about 3500, so they didn't make me feel so special (i kid). i wasn't surprised at all, and was so prepared that i had my laptop cleaned out before i walked into the office yesterday. they were kind enough to give me system access until friday so i can get the necessary things pushed off to other channels.

hubby still works for the company and we're all still happy and healthy. a minor hiccup in the road of life. some would call me crazy, but knowing that i'm paid until mid-august sure helps take the edge off.

i have a clean slate now, my dreams are waiting to be made into reality. i could go to school, work for another company, work for same company or focus on my love of photography. i'll need a few days to decide, but for now i'm going to enjoy some stress-free living.

i was given a lemon, but i'm gonna make me some lenamade!


ps: i know it says "lenamade" instead of "lemonade". when my baby girl was younger, she couldn't say it properly. in fact, she wanted to make a lemonade stand so she could raise money for me to buy my beloved imac - which of course, i named "lenamade"

oh how the years go by

it's very ordinary evening and then i realize it's post-mid-april already. so i ask my 18-year old son, "what's going on with prom?" and as the words come out of my mouth, i think...

...oh my lord.

he hasn't finished working on the "date" part. so he says, "just ask me on friday."

stay tuned, i'll update on friday. no kidding.

how to save a life

i donated blood today!

most people would probably take this for granted or not even give it a second thought, but it's been on my brain for 21 years. when my mother died of leukemia, i wanted to donate blood as a way of repaying those who selflessly gave their blood to her.

i'm not a tall woman, or a heavy woman, but i am now a healthy one. for all these years, i was denied the ability to give blood because i was "too little" or "not heavy enough". well, there was finally a benefit to putting on a few pounds because today they couldn't deny me anymore.

i lay down and just breathed in every moment of my experience. i've crossed off another item on my life's "to do" list. my heart is full. :)

and you know what else? i was inspiring enough for my husband that he donated again today too!

loss of life

as a parent to two teenagers and a near-tween, i thought i had covered almost every topic of discussion with my children, until i came home on tuesday night and was faced with this news from my 15-year old..."a boy in my school committed suicide." it left me breathless. i tried to get some answers as well as ask some questions, but i kept coming up with the same conclusion - the teenage years are exciting and dreadful at the same time, for some more than others. my prayers go out to his friends & family.

my mantra

live with intention.

walk to the edge.

listen hard.

practice wellness.

play with abandon.

laugh.

choose with no regret.

continue to learn.

appreciate your friends.

do what you love.

live as if this is all there is.

- mary anne radmacher

the creamy filling

i have this "thing" called "my oreo cookie". it's not a real cookie, but a concept that i have adopted about the immediate girls/women in my life - my mother and my daughters. when i photograph weddings, i love to do generational pictures. nothing speaks to me more about the longevity of a family than seeing multiple generations together. i had been part of my own oreo cookie, for about 18 years. then after my mother passed away, i had my own daughters, and my dearest wish was to be the creamy filling. i am, after all, a motherless mother - one who has to face the struggles of parenthood without the guidance that only a mother can provide. for some people, this "cookie" may seem like a silly concept, but for me, it was something i longed for that i had finally resigned myself to never having...until 2 weeks ago.

i returned home for a quick visit and shortly before my arrival it had dawned on me that there was one special woman who has always been my cookie - my grandmother (mommy's mom). she'd been there all along, but i was so consumed thinking about my mother's absence that i had failed to see her there. she's almost 100 now and unable to participate in daily activities. but every time i go home, she's there for a few minutes, enough to remember me and to greet me with a smile. so with my younger daughter by my side, i asked my husband to take a photo of my oreo cookie.

sometimes when you don't have all the ingredients in your recipe, you just gotta improvise.

lights out

you know what really annoys me? people who don't turn their car lights on in a parking garage when they're driving around. i mean, really, would it kill them to turn it on? and you'd think after 10 years of living here, i'd be used to it but it still annoys me.

and that's my 10-second rant. thank you.

old friends are the best friends

this is my kuya ("koo-ya"), my big brother. not by blood and not that that matters. we've been friends since 1975, when i was the new girl in the first grade class and my desk was seated next to his. we've even walked down the aisle a few times (side-by-side for first communion, confirmation & graduation from high school). he, along with my husband, was at my side the night my mother died and together they saved me that summer, just by keeping me smiling.

we live in separate countries now, but still keep in touch every few weeks. it's been 10 years since we last saw each other, so my family took a little road trip so i could meet up with him again during his stopover. we got to meet his family too. it was the best 36 hours i've spent in a long time - laughing and eating and laughing again...and again...and again.

some things never change :)

wth?

sorry, i couldn't think of any other title for this entry. if i could paste a copy of the look on my face when i read this, that would probably be best.

read this and tell me if you can come up with another title
http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/02/03/kidney.vagina.surgery/index.html

getting lost

how awesome is this show?!!!! i love it!! every week there is something that just blows me away! i can't believe there's only gonna be one season left, but it also means we'll have the answers us fans are looking for. gahd, i love wednesdays!

got time to kill? try this

warning: this can be addictive. if you don't have plenty of time on your hands, don't even start.

http://www.foddy.net/Athletics.html

ben & the burger king

nothing special about this post, except that i thought my sister might like it :)

history of the internet

if nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies

to give credit where credit is due, the author of that quote is unknown.

so, if you haven't already noticed, i changed my blog layout again. i consider it the equivalent of changing your room layout, which i used to do with great frequency in my youth. but change is good, no?

after reading the updates on other friends' blogs, i decided that i would forgo the pattern i was originally taking - which is, that i would only write when there was something truly meaningful to say. i've come to realize that sometimes there are those who appreciate a moment of silliness or stupidity throughout the course of their day. i am one of those people. so even if it means that i have to scour the web for such moments to add to my own blog, i will have at least granted myself that tiny laugh. lord knows i need it some days.

everyone's sugar's sweet

today, the hubby & i went to the thai temple to make merits to honour his late grandfather, who would have been 100 today. this was our first outing there and we were unsure of how today's events would transpire. having lived in thailand and with my husband being thai, we both still seemed at a loss of how to proceed. luckily, we met a younger monk (probably a bit younger than us) who provided some guidance. j and i stepped inside and immediately i felt like i was in familiar territory, with the large statue of buddha greeting me and with the thai tapestry and the king & queen's pictures lining the walls.

after we made our offering, we were invited by the monk to go downstairs to have a look around. it turns out they taught thai language classes there and we were encouraged to attend next week by the teachers we had just met. small world, she taught at the same elementary school my husband went to! it was great to just sit around and talk about the commonalities they had and i was happy to be able to recall little references that i knew about.

shortly after our discussion, we were honoured when the อาจารย์ ("ah-chan" = teacher, professor. in this case, the senior monk) joined our table. what happened next is something that i liken to what would an audience with god would be like. i was inspired by hearing him speak about the teachings of buddhism, the lessons that can be learned in life and how these lessons are evident in all religions. "everyone's sugar's sweet", he said. i smiled when he said it. it was so true and given the state of affairs in the middle east, it's a simple message that gets so incredibly lost amidst the violence. and as we also prepare for one of the greatest moments in american history, it's also a relevant statement regarding the ugly truth about america's struggle with racism.

in recent years, i've had internal conflicts with the teachings of my religion versus the ideal of being a good person leading a good life. i still consider myself to be a child of god and count many of my blessings to have come from him. yet at the same time, i am intrigued greatly by the words i heard today and by the gentle man who delivered them.

we've decided to go back next week, if just at first to get my family in closer touch with their heritage and to begin studying the language. i can't make any predictions about anything else, but it was nice to have confirmation that everyone's sugar's sweet.

things i learned in 2008

i started making this annual list 6 years ago, after my sister introduced me to the concept. here are the "things i learned in 2008"

1. i still love my car.
2. i'm glad i'm a realist. it makes things easier to swallow when your teenager tells a colourful story.
3. recovering from an illness takes discipline.
4. i love those moments that take my breath away.
5. i love a good party.
6. change sometimes happens overnight, when you least expect it. and it sort of makes it easier to accept.
7. i am in awe, when after a 20 year absence, people who you thought didn't think twice about you can still recall the small details about your life.
8. my littlest sister is an amazing human being. i want to be her when i grow up.
9. i can still pull off big surprises.
10. i finally appreciate the science of chemistry.
11. plans are easy - executing them is hard.
12. it's bizarre how people can travel in parallel lines for many years yet never meet until the time is right.
13. it feels good when my children teach me something new.
14. it's always nice to be appreciated.